This past week has been CRRRRAAAAZY. Well, crazy just because of the business. My second niece was born on Monday night. Needless to say, she's absolutely gorgeous and precious. She even has a gorgeous name, I think: Eleanor Reese. While looking at her, I realized just how incredible our creator is. What an incredible being to create life! I felt like I was looking straight into my Father's heart as I held Ella in my arms and just watched her. It makes me somewhat speechless. It made me see how pathetic I am to think of myself so much when there are such greater things going on outside of myself.
That's something that probably most people could say they struggle with is that they are always looking inward. I say this because I know it's something that I definitely struggle with. God constantly reminds me how my life is not the focus of what's going on around me. Just this morning, I was reading Acts 7 where Stephen is talking to the Synagogue of teh Freedmen. He had no care about his own life; he was ready and willing to do absolutely whatever God led him to do. He was even being STONED and the people were gnashing their teeth at him, and all Stephen was able to say was:
"Look! I see the heavens opened and teh Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!"
(Acts 7:56)
"Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." (Acts 7:59)
"Lord, do not charge them with this sin." (Acts 7:60)
Gah!!!! These people were killing him, and in the middle of it, he just wanted the Lord to show mercy on them! How many of us can really say that we could do that? God keeps showing me how ridiculous my complaints and grumblings are about my own life by opening my eyes to what's actually important. And this is for sure...the important things are never about me.
We constantly want to know what God's will is for our lives, who He wants us to be with, where He wants us to go, when He wants us to do it, and how He's going to go about making our lives happen. Really, we should know what He wants us to do! "Go and make disciples of people everywhere." That's what we need to do where we are, right now. But, we're too focused on how the rest of our lives will play out (we're too focused on US) to see how many people are actually in need. Stephen was taking his last breath, saw the need of the people for mercy, and would rather them be looked on by the Lord with mercy than for his own life to be saved. Incredible. That's how I want to be. I want to be completely humbled before God so that His Kingdom might grow. If we could just pursue intimacy with Him, want to know the desires of HIS HEART rather than our own, maybe, just maybe, we would find ourselves in more of a state of selflessness. Seflessness isn't concerned with how things will work out for ME, but how things will work out for God's people. If our hearts really are pursuing God's, we would want for people what He wants instead of being concerned with ourselves.
Looking outward, we see so much pain, so much need for mercy and salvation and compassion. Really, we see need. People in need of a friend, someone to just be there to help them out. People who need someone who isn't concerned with their outward appearance which motivates his/her generosity. I want to be that selfless person. Because I know that unless I am, my purpose here will never be fulfilled.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
Unneccessary drama
I don't really know how to start this one. This blog is not directed at one person at all; it's something that I have felt for a loooooooong time but never quite knew how to voice it. So, I'm just going to jump right in. No easing into it. I've never been good at easing into anything, so tonight's blog is no different.
Who ever said that it was a guy's job to guard a girl's heart? I really want to know where this idea came from because I think it's a load of crap. In all honesty, I do not know a single guy right now who is strong enough to guard his own heart successfully at all times; therefore, why should he be expected to be strong enough to guard someone else's? If I'm not mistaken, God never tells us to give our hearts to someone else and let them keep it pure. He tells us to give our hearts to HIM to let him keep it pure. He said that HE will give us a new heart and new spirit within us (Ezekiel 36:26).
I have gotten so frustrated with many Christian girls who do love God with all their hearts, but my frustration isn't in their love for God; it's that they expect so much from a guy they may think about dating. I'm not saying that you should be okay with being unequally yoked; not at all. But I am saying that the guy is just as hormonal and human as the girl is, so why should you expect him to be in a place where he can protect your heart better than you can? Girls should protect their own hearts, and let God protect their hearts! It's a GIGANTIC undertaking to say that you are going to "guard" a girl's heart. No one should ever feel like that is their job. It's not...it's God's. And quite frankly, when a guy has ever told me that he is going to "guard my heart," I've always thought to myself "not a chance in the world." I don't want him to because I know he's gonna suck at it if I let him try, simply because he's not God. It's not his responsibility. He will fail every time he tries because he is human. I fail at guarding my heart frequently so what would make me think that he could to better? And if I expect him to be the protector of my heart, I'm completely out of line.
The last thing I would want someone to think after reading this is that I don't think a girl should get upset if a guy treats her like crap. My point is coming...promise. I feel like I'm ragging on girls, but it's only because I went through a phase of thinking this. Now I realize how wrong I was.
"A girl's heart should be so close to God's that a man has to search God's heart to find her"-Anonymous
I love this quote because I feel like this is how it should be. But it never is. People are always entirely too concerned about who God wants them to be with that they never can fully focus on being intimate with God. They always want to know who God wants them to be intimate with...who would have thought that maybe all along it was Him. A guy won't have to think about guarding a girl's heart if he is just passionately pursuing God's heart; he wouldn't be able to help but be led by the Lord in his actions. A girl won't have to worry about getting hurt if she just worries about pursuing God's heart; she wouldn't feel so vulnerable. I say this because if these two things were actually going on, everyone would be more spirit-led and wouldn't say/do things that would jeopardize the other person's heart. Simple enough. It never had to be so complicated and painful. But it is. And that's life.
There's this whole idea of being chivalrous that sounds so great and looks so great. Don't get me wrong, I love chivalry...love it. But this whole spiritually chivalry thing of being the knight in shining armor who guards hearts and protects the girl from all impurities is ridiculous. Aaand...sometimes, I think it's a cop-out. It allows the guy to put the girl on hold becaues he doesn't want to do something that would not be guarding her heart. Let's get real here. I know there are great intentions, but in actuality, it puts the girl through even more of an emotional rollercoaster. I don't think that every single thing you feel should be thrown out for everyone to see, but if you simply aren't sure if you want to date someone, just say it! It'd be a lot less dramatic. In my opinion, spiritual chivalry isn't neccessarily about guarding hearts. To me, it's about someone praying for the heart to be pure and for every thought to be taken captive so that everything can stay pure. Not about someone actually trying to make the heart pure by not saying/doing certain things; that's just respecting the other person's emotions.
So there it is. We don't need others to try to guard our hearts because that'd be like trying to be God. We will fail, and it's completely wrong of us to try. I just had to get it out. Now I need to rest so I can get up and face ruthless shoppers on Black Friday.
Who ever said that it was a guy's job to guard a girl's heart? I really want to know where this idea came from because I think it's a load of crap. In all honesty, I do not know a single guy right now who is strong enough to guard his own heart successfully at all times; therefore, why should he be expected to be strong enough to guard someone else's? If I'm not mistaken, God never tells us to give our hearts to someone else and let them keep it pure. He tells us to give our hearts to HIM to let him keep it pure. He said that HE will give us a new heart and new spirit within us (Ezekiel 36:26).
I have gotten so frustrated with many Christian girls who do love God with all their hearts, but my frustration isn't in their love for God; it's that they expect so much from a guy they may think about dating. I'm not saying that you should be okay with being unequally yoked; not at all. But I am saying that the guy is just as hormonal and human as the girl is, so why should you expect him to be in a place where he can protect your heart better than you can? Girls should protect their own hearts, and let God protect their hearts! It's a GIGANTIC undertaking to say that you are going to "guard" a girl's heart. No one should ever feel like that is their job. It's not...it's God's. And quite frankly, when a guy has ever told me that he is going to "guard my heart," I've always thought to myself "not a chance in the world." I don't want him to because I know he's gonna suck at it if I let him try, simply because he's not God. It's not his responsibility. He will fail every time he tries because he is human. I fail at guarding my heart frequently so what would make me think that he could to better? And if I expect him to be the protector of my heart, I'm completely out of line.
The last thing I would want someone to think after reading this is that I don't think a girl should get upset if a guy treats her like crap. My point is coming...promise. I feel like I'm ragging on girls, but it's only because I went through a phase of thinking this. Now I realize how wrong I was.
"A girl's heart should be so close to God's that a man has to search God's heart to find her"-Anonymous
I love this quote because I feel like this is how it should be. But it never is. People are always entirely too concerned about who God wants them to be with that they never can fully focus on being intimate with God. They always want to know who God wants them to be intimate with...who would have thought that maybe all along it was Him. A guy won't have to think about guarding a girl's heart if he is just passionately pursuing God's heart; he wouldn't be able to help but be led by the Lord in his actions. A girl won't have to worry about getting hurt if she just worries about pursuing God's heart; she wouldn't feel so vulnerable. I say this because if these two things were actually going on, everyone would be more spirit-led and wouldn't say/do things that would jeopardize the other person's heart. Simple enough. It never had to be so complicated and painful. But it is. And that's life.
There's this whole idea of being chivalrous that sounds so great and looks so great. Don't get me wrong, I love chivalry...love it. But this whole spiritually chivalry thing of being the knight in shining armor who guards hearts and protects the girl from all impurities is ridiculous. Aaand...sometimes, I think it's a cop-out. It allows the guy to put the girl on hold becaues he doesn't want to do something that would not be guarding her heart. Let's get real here. I know there are great intentions, but in actuality, it puts the girl through even more of an emotional rollercoaster. I don't think that every single thing you feel should be thrown out for everyone to see, but if you simply aren't sure if you want to date someone, just say it! It'd be a lot less dramatic. In my opinion, spiritual chivalry isn't neccessarily about guarding hearts. To me, it's about someone praying for the heart to be pure and for every thought to be taken captive so that everything can stay pure. Not about someone actually trying to make the heart pure by not saying/doing certain things; that's just respecting the other person's emotions.
So there it is. We don't need others to try to guard our hearts because that'd be like trying to be God. We will fail, and it's completely wrong of us to try. I just had to get it out. Now I need to rest so I can get up and face ruthless shoppers on Black Friday.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thankful
This whole blogging thing is a great idea. I know this is only my second one ever, and probably very few people (if any) have read it, but I really enjoy it. So, today's blog is about my mom: the one woman I admire more than anyone; my niece Grace: the most beloved child born who bring me SO MUCH JOY; and my brother Matt: a truly wonderful guy who is so close to my heart, and even though there may not be a lot of words said to do it, he brings me back to myself just by being him.
Every time I come home it seems like I forget how refreshing it is to be around my family again. They really are the most important people in my life. I've only been home since this morning, and I already feel better about my world. I don't really know what it is, but as soon as I leave Columbia and get back into Greenville, things in my head that were so cloudy before become clear all of a sudden. Well, really, I do know why that is. It's because of my mom and Matt. And Grace, in her three-year-old ways of clearing things up, which in reality is simply put: circular logic.
My mom is incredible. I know a lot of people say that about their mom and really mean it, but I want to be just like her in all honesty. I watch her doing every day things and doing things that change the lives of people, and all of it amazes me. Tonight, we had another one of our insanely ridiculous conversations that goes off on very scattered topics that don't tie together to anyone else listening (they make perfect sense to us), and as we talked about things that weren't even pertaining to situations in my life at the moment, I felt like I was getting insight on those situations just by watching her and laughing with her. She is so wise, and she really does always know the right answer and what's best. With every single thing I've ever gone through, the things she has said have always been right on the money. And, she's one of the very few people who gives me the right to be wrong (I've been listening to Joss Stone a lot lately). She lets me be wrong about things sometimes to let me live my life and discover how dumb I am sometimes, but she always is there to help mend my heart from the mistakes. As I watched her tell me about how she keeps telling her children's church class that a PG-13 topic to talk about is cranberry sauce because it is a mature food to eat (she's crazy), that she had to go to the grocery store at the last minute tonight just to get some so she wouldn't let the kids down, and that the kids all laugh at her jokes because they are completely on the 3rd-6th graders' levels, I was reminded how blessed I am to have her to watch. God uses her to let others be used, and she is completely fine with not getting any credit for the things she does. She thinks it's great that I have fun with life and don't take things as seriously as people try to get me to, and I love that! She is the woman that I hope to be one day.
So, I guess God is showing me this at the perfect time. Thanksgiving, a time to be thankful for the things and people around me. And today, He has reminded me exactly why I should be thankful.
Every time I come home it seems like I forget how refreshing it is to be around my family again. They really are the most important people in my life. I've only been home since this morning, and I already feel better about my world. I don't really know what it is, but as soon as I leave Columbia and get back into Greenville, things in my head that were so cloudy before become clear all of a sudden. Well, really, I do know why that is. It's because of my mom and Matt. And Grace, in her three-year-old ways of clearing things up, which in reality is simply put: circular logic.
My mom is incredible. I know a lot of people say that about their mom and really mean it, but I want to be just like her in all honesty. I watch her doing every day things and doing things that change the lives of people, and all of it amazes me. Tonight, we had another one of our insanely ridiculous conversations that goes off on very scattered topics that don't tie together to anyone else listening (they make perfect sense to us), and as we talked about things that weren't even pertaining to situations in my life at the moment, I felt like I was getting insight on those situations just by watching her and laughing with her. She is so wise, and she really does always know the right answer and what's best. With every single thing I've ever gone through, the things she has said have always been right on the money. And, she's one of the very few people who gives me the right to be wrong (I've been listening to Joss Stone a lot lately). She lets me be wrong about things sometimes to let me live my life and discover how dumb I am sometimes, but she always is there to help mend my heart from the mistakes. As I watched her tell me about how she keeps telling her children's church class that a PG-13 topic to talk about is cranberry sauce because it is a mature food to eat (she's crazy), that she had to go to the grocery store at the last minute tonight just to get some so she wouldn't let the kids down, and that the kids all laugh at her jokes because they are completely on the 3rd-6th graders' levels, I was reminded how blessed I am to have her to watch. God uses her to let others be used, and she is completely fine with not getting any credit for the things she does. She thinks it's great that I have fun with life and don't take things as seriously as people try to get me to, and I love that! She is the woman that I hope to be one day.
So, I guess God is showing me this at the perfect time. Thanksgiving, a time to be thankful for the things and people around me. And today, He has reminded me exactly why I should be thankful.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Fulfilled
Life is so good these days. I am so excited about my niece Ella being born any day now! She's going to be precious, and I'm sure she'll be just as spoiled as Grace. I can't wait.
God has been blowing my mind with how good He is to me in spite of myself. I do NOT deserve His goodness in the way that He gives it. For so long I felt like I was being completely fulfilled in Him, and I was. He has completely transformed my ways of thinking and my desires; it's really kinda unbelievable when I think about it. I've learned how to be more concerned with falling in love with Him and intimacy with Him than trying to make sure I am doing the things that are supposedly "right." However, lately, I had forgotten what it was really like to be fulfilled in Him. That's when He reminded me about perfect love. A love that conquers all. THAT blows my mind. No matter what I'm struggling with, what I've done, I am a conqueror because of His perfect love. Wow.
I didn't realize how many things in my life were undone until He started revealing these things to me. I'm not gonne lie, the past few weeks have been kinda hard with certain things that I have found out about people in my past, but I didn't know that I hadn't let it go. I guess that's how it works, though. We all pretend like we're okay, even convince ourselves that we're okay, as a part of the healing process. We think that we can move on, say that we have forgiven others, but in reality, we haven't completely forgiven ourselves for our pasts. It's a hard decision to make to accept God's love and grace for things you feel like you have completely screwed up. Or, maybe it's not even you who screwed up so bad; you just let others impact your life in a way that left you feeling empty and rejected. But that's what it is: a decision. You have to consciously wake up and make that decision every day to accept His love and grace and to decide that you are going to love Him passionately every day. Just like a marraige. It's a decision to get up and say that you're going to make it happen every day. I think, once you can do that, everything else falls into place.
So, that's what God's working on in me. He teaching me to let Him fulfill me. Which means that if I ever feel broken by anything, or anyone, He fulfills me completely. It's a good feeling. No person here can make or break me; that's only a spot that the Lord can fill. I'm ready to leave everything I've known behind and pursue only Him. I don't like saying that I want to pursue what He wants me to do because I feel like that's not actually pursuing intimacy with Him; it's pursuing His blessings and things. I want to pursue Him; everything about Him. I want to KNOW Him, feel His heart, breathe His presence every day. I want to be fulfilled.
God has been blowing my mind with how good He is to me in spite of myself. I do NOT deserve His goodness in the way that He gives it. For so long I felt like I was being completely fulfilled in Him, and I was. He has completely transformed my ways of thinking and my desires; it's really kinda unbelievable when I think about it. I've learned how to be more concerned with falling in love with Him and intimacy with Him than trying to make sure I am doing the things that are supposedly "right." However, lately, I had forgotten what it was really like to be fulfilled in Him. That's when He reminded me about perfect love. A love that conquers all. THAT blows my mind. No matter what I'm struggling with, what I've done, I am a conqueror because of His perfect love. Wow.
I didn't realize how many things in my life were undone until He started revealing these things to me. I'm not gonne lie, the past few weeks have been kinda hard with certain things that I have found out about people in my past, but I didn't know that I hadn't let it go. I guess that's how it works, though. We all pretend like we're okay, even convince ourselves that we're okay, as a part of the healing process. We think that we can move on, say that we have forgiven others, but in reality, we haven't completely forgiven ourselves for our pasts. It's a hard decision to make to accept God's love and grace for things you feel like you have completely screwed up. Or, maybe it's not even you who screwed up so bad; you just let others impact your life in a way that left you feeling empty and rejected. But that's what it is: a decision. You have to consciously wake up and make that decision every day to accept His love and grace and to decide that you are going to love Him passionately every day. Just like a marraige. It's a decision to get up and say that you're going to make it happen every day. I think, once you can do that, everything else falls into place.
So, that's what God's working on in me. He teaching me to let Him fulfill me. Which means that if I ever feel broken by anything, or anyone, He fulfills me completely. It's a good feeling. No person here can make or break me; that's only a spot that the Lord can fill. I'm ready to leave everything I've known behind and pursue only Him. I don't like saying that I want to pursue what He wants me to do because I feel like that's not actually pursuing intimacy with Him; it's pursuing His blessings and things. I want to pursue Him; everything about Him. I want to KNOW Him, feel His heart, breathe His presence every day. I want to be fulfilled.
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