Entertaining Angels

Sushi made by people other than Japanese is just not as good. I was pretty upset when I went to get sushi with some friends and Americans were making it. Not the same.
Tents in your living room made out of sheets are the number one coolest things that you can do for decoration. It makes you feel like a kid again, and I always like feeling like a kid.

Man, I hate not remembering things. I seem to always think of great things I want to blog about because I think that it'd be something pretty sweet to write about, but I end up forgetting what they are. However, if I look at some of the songs that I write, it will occasionally jog my memory. But it's not looking so good this time. Maybe I'll write my way into something spectacular....Oh! I know what it was!!! Here goes:-)

I'm not the type of person that cries. Ever. I just don't. I even try to sometimes just cause I feel like I need to let go of stuff, and it never works. Cameron Diaz's character in the Holiday makes me laugh because I feel like that's what I do. When that movie came out, several friends began making fun of me because they imagined that's what I must have to do to attempt to shed a single tear. It's not that I'm heartless; I just never feel the need. So, I say all that to say this: I came to the point of tears twice...TWICE...on Friday. I was shocked at myself. I'll give the one of the two things that made give in to this rare emotion in me.

I was playing Sudoku (my fav game...you wanna make me happy-challenge me at Sudoku) and drinking coffee in the bookstore Friday morning. As I began to leave, a sweet elderly lady walked in and seemed like she was not quite sure where she was. I smiled at her, and she asked me if I could tell her where the bookstore was. I kinda laughed because she had no idea she was IN the bookstore, so I filled her in. After getting her what she needed, she asked me if she could buy me a cup of coffee. I politely said no, that I had just finished a cup, but told her thank you for the offer. She smiled, put her hand on my arm, and then walked away. When I walked out of the doors to go to class, I was very close to bursting into tears. To keep myself from breaking down, I turned my ipod up louder and walked faster, all while squinting my eyes as tightly as possible to keep the tears from flowing. She was so touching for some reason. Here's my reason why: I so badly want someone to see that I WANT to lose it sometimes. I want it to be okay for me to break, to not be so strong, and for me to crumble. This lady, in a strange way, made me want to fall into her arms and just cry. I felt like I could've just crumbled and with her, it would've been okay.

All of this could have been because I'm reading a book about relying solely on Christ, and for me, that means being broken of my pride. Oooh...that could be a good lyric for a song. Anyway...my senses to the feelings I was having may have been heightened because of this book, but either way, I felt like I was in the presence of an angel.

I don't think I'm the only one who wants to break. Some people break down all the time, and it's just not healthy, and everyone else wants to tell them to get a grip. But, I think there's a good balance. Also, most people I know who lose themselves a lot always seem to do it for attention, and that's not okay either. But, for people like me whose pride causes them to appear like everything is absolutely wonderful 24/7, it'd be nice to fall apart every now and then and admit that sometimes, we do NOT have it all together as it may seem. What's funny is that the closer I am to Christ, the less I feel like I want to let it all go, because I'm always putting it in His hands. But when I haven't been talking to Him as much, I always want to lose it and get to the breaking point so I can get back to intimacy with Him. I think that the breakage is needed in me to break me of my pride. There it goes again, my song lyrics: Relying solely on Christ for me means being completely broken of my pride.