Small and Weak

Wouldn't it be nice sometimes to just feel overwhelmed by God even when you feel like you can't feel anything?? To know that even when you aren't hearing Him speak loud and clear to you, that He's still speaking? Or when you can't blatantly see Him at work in your life, to know He's still working miracles all around you?? I know He is, ALL THE TIME, but sometimes you aren't as aware of it as you are at other points in your life. Like when you found yourself in a bind and saw God bring you out of it immediately, you were fully aware of His working in your life. But other times it's such a slow process, we aren't sure that He's working at all. I think Satan attacks us with the feeling of loneliness during this time when we don't hear our Father speaking. How do we counteract that?? I think by acting like nothing Satan does has any importance in our lives and to not take it offensively. I heard a sermon by Bill Johnson this past summer where he said just that; that we as Christ-followers should not allow anything Satan does to penetrate our lives. It should not affect us.
This just seems like a hard task to accomplish, though. I don't really know how to just let stuff in life roll off my back entirely. I must say, it would take a pretty strong person to never give in to fear, lust, worry, loneliness, doubt, pride, selfishness, and the list goes on. And most of the time, I don't feel like that strong of a person. Therefore, I have to rely on something completely different than being a strong person. I have to place all my hope in Christ because I know that I truly can accomplish nothing on my own. I know God has big plans for my life, just like He does for all of His other very special children (and of course I know He considers every child very special!), and am also sure that I can't do the things He wants me to do if I have any involvement. So I am currently in constant prayer that He is BIG and STRONG in me because I feel so SMALL and WEAK.

Untouched

I've heard a lot of people talk about how they are emotionally exhausted from giving so much of themselves all the time. I can imagine how exhausting that might be if they don't ever get replenished. But, I seem to have the opposite problem. I feel emotionally exhausted not because I am pouring out so much as the reason is that I feel like I have to hold back so much of what I am feeling. I love being around people, love finding out about what makes them tick, love hearing what breaks their hearts. What's hard for me is when I want so badly to just bluntly tell them truth, or what I think is truth at the time, and feel like I can't because of wrong timing.

Today was an interesting day. I've felt to untouched lately. Untouched in the sense that I am not feeling very loved by people lately. I am feeling an incredible amount of love for others; I cry at the drop of a hat these days, not because of my own feelings, but because I get so broken for others. I know that my family and friends love me the same as they always have, but for whatever reason, I don't feel the same capacity of love from them as I feel for them. Maybe that's how Christ feels with us. I can't imagine the capacity for love that He has. It's endless. And there's no way that we return it with the same zeal. But with him, there is no emptiness because He is whole in Himself. What a concept! That in Him, there is no emptiness. Maybe that's what God's wanting me to get from this time in my life-HIM! That if I am fully wanting Him, I'll have no want for anything else. And I know this, but it's remembering to apply this and desire this at all times that is the challenging part.